Limerence (noun) — The state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one’s feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship.
Not primarily for a sexual relationship? “Limerence… just another female dominated illness?”
Hello friends! I’m back with another daily post.
Today, I’m going to be writing about a topic that is (unwillingly) near and dear to my poor, blessed heart.
“There are three stages of limerence: infatuation, crystallization, and deterioration.
Who is most prone to limerence? Those with insecure attachment styles (anxious or avoidant) may be more prone to experiencing limerence, as they often struggle with self-esteem and fear of rejection or abandonment.”
What can I say? I’m really fun at parties. (Especially if there happens to be a person of interest in attendance; if there isn’t- I’ll create one.)
I know- I suck! Lets agree and continue on. Though, I’m not exactly sure where this is headed…
A previous version of myself would have spent at least a full day, or night, brutally recounting the specifics from my ghosts of limerence past.
Sadly, I do not possess the mental bandwidth at this moment that is required to cope with that inevitable post-traumatic stress.
Sheesh!
Currently, I am savoring Joan Didion’s novel “Play It As It Lays”.
It is quite nice to see where so many of my favorite quotes that I’ve happened across on social media over the years have originated.
[Oh Joan… the woman that you are/were. The absolute force of nature… power-house! The literary genius— that you shall remain.] (Her spirit is reading this).
The main character, Maria, pronounced Mar-eye-ah, is described by her ex/husband, Carter, on Page 13:
“Maria would say that they were not her friends, but Maria has never understood friendship, conversation, the normal amenities of social exchange. Maria has difficulty talking to people with whom she is not sleeping.”
This struck a nerve. A nerve that I believe, was in hope of being struck. A nerve needing to be struck. Why?
Perhaps I, like Maria, have had difficulty maintaining relationships with people whom I am not sleeping.
Perhaps my limerence has been, all along, a delusional bid for connection. An imaginary safety net to hypothetically protect myself.
Is my online presence a bid for connection? Certainly. 